Dumb ways to spend an Indian Summer Day!

Without any further ado, let’s dwell directly into the ideal way to spend your summer, if you are a 19-year old unemployed, disrespectful, egoistic, and good-for-nothing Indian citizen.

The absolutely irritating morning light seeps through the coarse material of your shaggy curtains, trying to wake you up for another completely hot, humid and utterly horrendous day. It's 7:30 am now, but as soon as you finally step out of bed, it's 8:30. It has always remained a mystery as to how in god’s name the clock manages to move so fast; this is some serious dark magic here folks. Just as you get out of the bed, it seems like you have taken a full-blown shower just then; no, not the regular soapy, squishy bath, but the one which drenches your body with litres of liquefied human toxins or what is commonly known as sweat. Walking becomes a struggle and combing your hair is like taming the great Amazon.

Now that the biggest obstacle of your day is out of the way, we come to the core of this holy piece of work of the 21st century Indian Civilization. This is where you learn to fruitfully waste your time on useless things that are not going to take you any closer to your aim in life, if you even have one. First of all, you are as broke as the damaged porcelain plate, hidden from the sight of your mother, behind the house plant. You don’t have the money to buy a dog and you don't have the guts to pet the neighbor's dog. So what do you do in this dire situation? You become a dog.

You yap on endlessly like a mad Chihuahua and the victims of your unintelligible gibberish are of course your oblivious parents. Studying; creativity is a taboo if you are an Indian teenager. Your goal for the day is to annoy your creators, test the waters of their passive attitude, and finally get squished down pretty hard. Alternative ways include lying around on a sofa, toying with the greatest invention ever - the smartphone (*trumpets play aggressively*). You become a potato obsessed with your electronic gadget. But then, better be careful of your electro-phobic mother, who might not respond well to your indifference.

The lunch isn’t that bad, but being the responsible freeloader that you are, you tend to complain about each and everything on your platter. Soon after, you sleep like a pig without a care for the intellectual society. You wake up at around 5 PM, being yelled at for absolutely nothing. Sure, you slept like a buffalo on drugs, messed up your mother’s favorite pair of slippers, but that doesn’t give her the right to shout at a sweet potato like you. You strike back and your mother surrenders to restore her usual position – the useful, resourceful and unappreciated woman of the household.

Work is a total deviation from your lifestyle and you protest against it like a thwarted suffragette of the 19th century. It’s not your duty to water the plants, afforestation has no importance for you and like most of the nonsensical nincompoops you have accepted the responsibility to deplete the resources of the Earth endlessly. Nevertheless, eggplants are your arch enemies and you really want those to go extinct like the flightless dodos of South America. Your mom caught you in the act of starving them and it’s really not necessary to describe the cause of a big bump on your head.

The evening is spent in watching vibrant videos of Bollywood songs which ‘objectify women’ in ways you can’t even fathom. The dinner is prepared by your ever-indulgent mother yet again, but you only seem to care about the bland taste. At the end of the day, you complain about the hideous pimples on your face, unshaped eyebrows, and asymmetrical figure. You pledge to spend the next day with more energy and vigour. But, as soon as you fall asleep in the air conditioned room, you are already dreaming about dumb ways to spend another summer day.

- Sunaina Sabat

BA (H) Political Science

(Art Curated by Devangana)