If Only

I rolled to your side of the bed

this morning

trying to soak up your smell and warmth.

If only sleeping on your side

could bring you back here with me!

The eyeliner you brought

still sits on the dressing table.

I see it

and my heart aches;

if only the eyeliner

could bring you back here once!

We call every day and sometimes I just call you to hear your voice,

even if it’s just you grunting for the whole time.

I know why you do that;

you know the moment you start speaking,

you will break.

We both don’t want that.

You tell me that you are coming back to see me,

the ache in my heart grows even more.

Not because I will have the whole of you to me,

but because after those paradisiacal moments,

you will have to leave again.

How many times am I supposed to watch you leave me?

I want you back.

But you can’t even leave everything and come rushing back to me.

I gaze in the middle,

brave myself,

I tell myself for the umpteenth time

that this is all the time we have together,

and I will seize all of it,

no matter what.

I will soak up as much of you as I can.

This will pacify me for the time being.

We may be too young to say,

that this is what people call

love.

But if this is love,

then I’m glad I found it in you.

-Bharavi Yadav

B.A (Hons.) Psychology

(Edited by Khushboo and Pallavi

Art curated by Devangana)