Success Fear

Artist - Macka

And

as soon as I enter this world,

my achieved space

that I had dreamt of

in my life so far,

I am lost.

At least, I fear getting lost.

Lost in this huge crowd

which is so much better than me

that my competence fears

that it might be the weaker one

among so many, much better ones.

Scary thoughts and spontaneous breakdowns;

fear of not being identified,

so much so that I’m petrified

of being left behind

in the gloomy dark;

fear of being missed out

among strangers racing so fast.

I’m thumping

because I’m running too fast;

breathless

as I’m diving too deep;

fumbling

as I attempt to bring out my best

out of this hard tough shell;

hurt

as I’m comforting the negative thoughts

deep down in my heart,

because if I break down,

I fear to fail.

I see; everything’s slow.

The Hope’s train is ascending so slow

that I see it is coming,

but

then descending to some infinity

which by far isn’t extant.

Despite having everything,

in spite of winning it,

I fear

because sufferings are trodden

when they aren't addressed.

I still long

as

I don’t have any answer,

for my question itself is incomplete.

- Bidisha Maharana

BA (Hons.) History

(Edited by Tushita and Pallavi

Art curated by Pallavi)