Having to deal with insecurities and the urge to always please people around me, I had almost lost myself. My insecurities had always pushed me to become the perfectionist that I was not and always kept my confidence wavering. Everything I did was an outcome of a lot of overthinking and much of “Is this my chance to make people see my worth?" Due to this I always missed out on a good part of the task, the journey, and kept focusing on the product, the destination. Maybe that’s why I never got the product I was looking for or that it was not satisfactory enough.
Being a single child, I have immensely felt the pressure of fulfilling every expectation and being that perfect child over my head. This was partly the reason why I was so afraid of making mistakes. I don’t even know when I became so used to hiding my emotions and struggling alone in a corner. But what do you do when these bars of expectations get so high that you are unable to even scratch the surface, and what do you do when you suddenly feel so out of place? Yes, you face it and learn to own it. I have learned it the hard way but I have also come to know that it is the only way. Accepting your imperfections would be the biggest gift you will ever give to yourself. Imperfections are like beads which add a twinkle to your personality. It might be a dark process with a lot of breakdowns and sessions of self-doubt but we have to remember that healing always takes time. As I am writing this, I can confidently say that I have learned my lesson. Fighting others is easy, but fighting yourself, unlearning and relearning about yourself is challenging. You cannot be full of pearls and gems all the time. You cannot always be the brightest person in the room and you will not always be the priority of people around you but that’s life and that’s okay. Because if you keep hanging to the bars, you will get tired and then, your feet will have to touch the ground.
I have started looking at life as a never-ending staircase on which we are taking our steps constantly; there would be people who are climbing those steps faster than you, and there would be people who might be behind you and then there would be people who have the same pace as you. So when you feel demotivated, look ahead and learn; when you feel worthless, look behind you and count the steps you have taken, and finally, when you feel alone, look to the side, you might find a companion whom you can lean on. And most importantly, when you feel tired, take rest. I know the bars are high but we’ll make it.
- Gunjan Nagpal
B.A. (Hons.) Economics
Second Year
(Edited by Malayka Singh and Shreya Jathavedan
Art curated by Devangana)
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